Three Relationship Magic Words
Most people think of the phrase “I love you” when they think of three relationship magic words. I think there are many magic words to use in relationships. However, in my opinion, the three most extraordinary words to assist with the cultivation of curiosity, connection, and safety in a relationship are “Is There More?”
This question is so deceptively simple, yet it is one of the more radical and potentially enlightening questions. These three words – “is there more?” – communicate interest, curiosity, and a willingness to listen. Even more, they signal that one partner is moving into the state of wonder and openness to a new experience with and about the other.
Asking this question can be profoundly healing to your partner.
This question says something to your partner they may have seldom heard: “I have time for you,” “I want to listen,” and “I want to know your thoughts.”
It is only when we wonder about someone else that they have the chance to express themselves deeply, to reveal parts of themselves that maybe they didn’t even know they had. When we wonder about someone’s feelings, and ask “is there more?” we move into presence – which results in deep connecting and healing.
Asking “is there more?” rather than settling for less – or, even worse asking “are you done yet?” – encourages us to wonder what the other person is feeling. What it is we do not know or understand? It trains our mind to reach a state that expands and enlarges the relational self.
So, I encourage you during the next conversation your partner to let him/her complete what they have to say, summarize what you heard and then ask the question “is there more?” Then, stand back and watch and be pleasantly surprised.