Remember Why You Fell In Love!
Who would need a relationship coach? Someone who:
- feels baffled about why a discussion always ends up in a fight.
- has several failed relationships in his or her past and is reluctant to try again.
- fears their partner’s anger or other extreme emotions.
- has given up trying to connect with his or her partner.
- feels concerned or disappointed in their sex life.
- thinks the relationship is over after an affair.
- feels they have no idea whether healthy relationships even exist; they haven’t seen one.
- is susceptible to ideas that humans as a species aren’t made for monogamy.
- experiences intense jealousy.
- provokes fights.
- retreats through “stone-walling” and withdrawal.
With focus and guidance, your relationship can become the joyful, nurturing haven it once was. More, because both partners explore the underpinnings of their own behavior and their own sometimes extreme reactions to their partner’s behavior, relationship coaching becomes a path to individual healing. Many who experience relationship coaching even report a clearer sense of their purpose in life and healthier connections with family and friends.
If any of the statements above feel familiar, please don’t hesitate to call me at (619) 990-9032 or contact me here. I can explain the steps we will take together and with your partner to improve your daily life starting with the first session. I will make sure to get back to you within 24 hours with answers to your specific questions.
Which Is Riskier? Getting Relationship Coaching Or NOT Getting Relationship Coaching?
Every day, La Jolla and San Diego couples get married with absolutely no relationship, communication or conflict training whatsoever.
Is there a problem with that? These statistics would say yes.
- 50% divorce rate for first marriages
- 67% divorce rate for second marriages
- 73% divorce rate for third marriages
We are all well aware of the impact divorce has on children (greater unhappiness, less life satisfaction, higher rates of depression, weaker sense of personal control.) Divorce also leads to higher financial, emotional and health risks to adult partners.
While divorce may seem the better option right this minute, keep in mind that going onto a second marriage (for which the average divorce rate is 67%) often doesn’t solve relationship issues. In fact, it can repackage and redeliver the same issues all over again. And most do remarry, no matter how much they swear they will never walk down the aisle again. Even if you don’t stay in this marriage, getting relationship education only empowers you with practical information and insight into your own motivations and behaviors.
Relationship Coaching Is Scary. I Get It.
I fully understand that relationship coaching can be a frightening prospect. People create methods of coping that have armed them to operate in a threatening world. Asking someone to reconsider defenses hewn over decades of careful crafting threatens even the most emotionally stable of us.
Still, I believe that humans possess impulses toward not only self-repair and self-actualization, but loving connection. Conflict is a natural and much needed part of this growth process. Working with our impulses and the eventual conflict they create in an enlightened rather than frightened manner enables the growth we all crave. In fact, you may be surprised to learn that only conflict gets us to achieve that growth!
That you are even this far down on this page indicates a substantial amount of courage in undertaking your relationship issues. When it comes to courage, please keep in mind one of my favorite sayings:
“Courage = Fear + Action.”
Courage is never the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to take action for potentially bigger rewards than vulnerabilities.
If the time to become a functioning, even joyful couple (and individual) is now, don’t hesitate to call me at (619) 990-9032 or feel free to contact me here. I will make sure to get back to you within 24 hours.
Reconnect And Rejuvenate The Passion That Once Defined Your Relationship!
A Results-Focused Approach Developed Over 30 Years Of Relationship Coaching
I rely on practical but powerful strategies and exercises to get to the heart of dire communication issues, conflict and even devastating events like addiction, infidelity and violence. Contrary to some public perception, relationship coaching does not require years before improvement begins. Most couples report a sense of relief and clarity within a few weeks.
Fitness coaches, business coaches, spiritual coaches and more help “stuck” individuals reach their goals every day. Similarly, a relationship coach helps both singles and couples find better strategies for connecting, expressing love and handling conflict.
As a relationship coach, I specifically rely upon two approaches to getting couples back to the joy they once experienced. The first is Imago Relationship Therapy, a proven and successful program developed by Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt in the 1990s. I credit Imago Relationship Therapy with saving my own marriage. (You can read about that here.) The amazing outcomes I witnessed convinced me to become a Certified Imago Therapist.
Drs. Hendrix and Hunt, who have now been married for 30 years (second marriages for both; they’ve been there; as have I), wrote the best selling books Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide, Making Marriage Work and more. These books have sold millions of copies and, at this writing, over 100,000 individuals in 30 countries have enjoyed the healing and joy Imago therapists facilitate. A little research quickly reveals that rabbis, ministers, academics, government programs and even Oprah recommend Harville and Hunt’s Imago Relationship Therapy.
While the books go into depth, one of the Imago Relationship Therapy’s underlying principles is that we choose our partners to address and even heal underlying emotional wounds we’ve carried all our lives. After winning the partner who resembles a parent, we succeed in creating the very dynamics that existed between ourselves and our parents. Our unconscious drives us to this inevitable end.
Even though our initial, childhood strategies in dealing with the problematic parent failed us, we unleash the same behaviors once again, in our drive for final, permanent fix. Repairing our current relationships requires delving into these dynamics, dissecting our poor and often immature (we were kids, after all) coping strategies to handle them, and then coming up new, better, more loving and positive ones to nurture and cherish our current relationship.
Practical Relationship Coaching: The Secrets Of Healthy Relationships Revealed, Practiced, Mastered
Don’t get me wrong: Imago relationship therapy involves lots of practical, useful exercises. Still, it is based on a strong basic theory about what underlies our drives to select the partners we do.
The other half of successful relationship coaching involves imparting practical, researched, proven relationship skills.
We are not born with the relationship skills we need, and most often, neither were those in our families of origin. We do not learn effective relationship skills naturally (like walking) OR by witnessing our own parents. In fact, our role models were often pretty poor teachers. I have plans to begin advocating in the San Diego and La Jolla school districts for administrations to create one entire, year-long class on relationship education and skills. That a program like this is not already in place contradicts school’s prime directive: to prepare students for life’s opportunities and challenges.
This said, I’m not surprised that schools have been slow to adopt relationship education programs.
Until maybe the last two, decades, government, university and faith researchers have not considered the relationship or even marriage worthy of study. Given our high divorce rate and the disruption it causes children and communities, as well as the economic toll on all of society, it’s clear that successful marriage skills should be studied and taught.
If you had no financial training, would you just jump into the stock market? Would you attempt to go to foreign country without learning the language or the modes of transportation? Both would be frightening scenarios.
Practical and proven strategies now exist to address all kinds of marital stages, conflicts and disappointments. The effectiveness of these strategies has been tested by academics, rabbis, pastors and government researchers. The chances any individual couple studied them before getting married or in their early years as partners, however, are slim to none. Currently the Catholics are the only faith-based community that requires serious premarital counseling before performing a wedding. Relationship coaching ensures partners understand relationship stages, common experiences, communication strategies and conflict resolution. These couples start ahead of the game!
Recently, a prominent relationship counselor, Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, stated:
“Marriage requires hard work. It triggers us in ways that no other relationship does. But the growth and healing that come from marriage is more profound than you can experience in any other human relationship..”
When you give relationship coaching a chance, it can not only save your relationship or marriage, it can lead you to a whole new level of peace an understanding with yourself, other family members the world around you. If you have a specific question about what kind of counseling is best for and your relationship, feel free to contact me here or call at my La Jolla office (619) 990-9032. I will make sure to get back to you within 24 hours.