We are excited to kick off the new year with updating our blog again. This month we have been focused on sharing resources on how you can grow together with your partner and we feel that having a relationship vision is extremely important.
We enter a partnership with our own pictures of what we expect it to be like based on our values, dreams, conditioning, experiences, and desires. Unless our partner has the same vision, we’re bound to run into difficulties. If you and your partner have been trying to bring your individual visions into reality, it can be a frustrating experience if neither of you knows the other’s dreams.
Creating a united Relationship Vision enables you and your partner to focus your energy on creating the outcomes you both want in your relationship. The Relationship Vision offers clear direction about what actions to take each step of the way. You will no longer have to wait for unspoken or unconscious dreams to show up in your home. With a map in hand, you and your partner will be less likely to get lost on your relationship journey.
Now here’s a Relationship Vision Exercise we would love for you to try:
Step 1: Co-Create a Relationship Vision
Using a blank piece of paper, each of you (separately) will write short sentences that describe your personal vision of the relationship you want. Write each sentence in the present tense, as if it were already happening. Examples: we have fun together, we are loving parents, we hug a lot, we respect each other, we rely on and trust each other. Write at least five or six vision statements. Let your imagination go wild. Once you have finished co-creating your mutual vision, read it out loud to each other taking turns with alternating lines and mirror back.
Step 2: Compare Lists
When all the items have been read and mirrored accurately, compare the two lists. Whenever you identify similar items, place a checkmark next to the items that you and your partner both listed. It doesn’t matter if you use different words as long as the general idea is the same. If your partner mentioned anything you agree with or do not object to but you did not think of yourself, add it to your list as you go. Each of you then places a check next to it.
If your partner has written items with which you do not agree, do not discuss them at this time. Draw a thick line below your items listed and write them on your list. Your differences are options for future dialogue and mutual growth.
Step 3: Merge the Two into One
When you have finished co-creating your mutual vision, read it out loud to each other – taking turns with alternating lines. Remember, this is a live document – so anything you want to add or subtract you can. It’s not carved in stone.
Read your relationship vision to each other once a week, and place this vision someplace in your home where it is visible!
Here’s an example of a relationship vision that Debbie and I have created together. We create one every year and include all aspect of our lives in it including work, health and family. Yours does not have to be as detailed but this will give you an idea on how to get started.
Debbie & Craig’s Relationship Vision- Janauary 2019
- We respect, rely on and trust each other
- We share our innermost thoughts and feelings
- We feel safe and secure with each other
- We look out for each other’s best interest
- We use Imago Dialogue to resolve our differences quickly and remain close by dialoguing
- We are open about talking and dialoguing about money, sex, and other sensitive topics
- We keep each other up to date on what is going on in our lives
- We give each other at least one formal appreciation each day
- We are patient with each other
- We appreciate, adore and love each other and tell each other at least once a day
- We are truthful to each other
- We laugh a lot and make each other smile
- We have fun together
- We have a beautiful, playful, erotic and satisfying sex life
- We always kiss and/or hug when we greet or say good-bye
- We respect each other’s needs for private time
- We support each other’s spirituality and growth and celebrate Shabbat
- We have a large loving network of friends and family who continue to support and love us and who we continue to support and love
- We respect, love and take care of each other’s children as our own
- We travel together at least 6 times a year
- We start a project that we work on together which adds to the quality of our relationship and betters the world and our families
- We make time for playing, working out, taking walks, going to movies, cooking together, shopping and going out to dinner
- We support each other’s physical well-being and health through good medical care, exercise, healthy food, and rest and relaxation
- We discuss all important decisions together and work towards agreement
- We support each others life and career goals
- We share with each other things we learn about our world
- We give each other caring behaviors daily like hugs and kisses, asking each other if we need anything, surprising each other with little gifts, etc.
- We review our vision statement every 6 months
- We deepen our relationship as the years go on
- We have each published our book and it is doing well on Amazon
- We have eliminated gluten and sugar from our diet
- We practice mindfulness throughout the day
- We are eating only organic grass-fed hormone free antibiotic free meat and organic vegetables and fruit
- We are at our desired weight
- We have a consistent weekly date on Sunday where we just have fun together
- We create next year’s vision together before January 1, 2020
- We are very clear and excited about our business
- We are constantly making improvements in our home that nurture both of us
We love sharing actionable steps you can take to grow in your relationship like this and we are excited when we have clients that follow our tips then report back to us later with how much their relationship has improved. If you are in the San Diego area or can make it down here in February, we are hosting a live event that will provide even more resources. Join us for The Mindful Couple: A Journey to Love and Connectedness. Our upcoming event is truly a unique opportunity for you to connect deeper with your partner while learning in a fun group setting. This event is for ALL Couples, both new and long-term couples who want to protect and strengthen their bond. It takes place on Saturday evening, February 9th and continues all day Sunday, February 10th, 2019. 1 ticket gets both you and your partner access to all events and activities associated with the workshop. CLICK HERE for details and to register.