One of the reasons it is so difficult for people to be fully present in their relationships with their partner is that they have not cultivated a relationship habit or practice.
If you went to a gym and saw someone lifting a 50 pound weight, you’d probably assume that it was impossible without training. If someone else wanted to do the same, they would not simply assume they can’t lift weights. They would likely understand that they have not yet built up the muscles to lift the weights, but could do so with a short amount of consistent training.
It is the same with learning relationship habits or practices. Many people come up with all kinds of excuses such as “it’s too hard,” “relationships aren’t supposed to be so much work,” or “I’m too busy.”
However, the real issue is these people don’t use a structure – so the habit is not built. Couples do not see that their habit-building processes are flawed. We are not born with the relationship skills we need; relationship skills must be practiced until they become a habit. With a well-designed habit-building process, great relationships will become natural.
Try this exercise:
Start creating a relationship habit today. Pick one thing that you can do consistently for 30 days that will support your relationship. Some examples include:
- Telling your partner one thing you appreciate about them
- Doing something that makes them feel cared about or loved every day such as making them a cup of coffee
- Telling them you love them
- Another example would be to practice being a great listener by mirroring them.
Feel free to let me know how it’s going or contact me with any questions.